then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
