just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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