I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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