Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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