I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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