I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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