i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
