Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
