Just took my morning after pill in the library
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
