A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
