The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
