I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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