You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
