wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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