I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
