Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
