I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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