Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
