I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
