just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
