My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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