glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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