i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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