we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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