I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
