i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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