I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
