My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i came on her dog
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
