I think my vagina is haunted
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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