In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize