Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
where am i from again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
