oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
