Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
