She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
