forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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