Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
