I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
