Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
