I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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