You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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