Apparently you make a good broom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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