fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
