There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize