I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
