I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
