We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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