he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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