Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
