It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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