He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
