I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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