Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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