Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Randomize
