his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
