Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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