if i can run in heels then i can drive
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
