dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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