Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
