Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
